I believe in love at first sight because I've been loving my mother since I opened my eyes.

I was somewhat surprised to see a harpist at her door, but then I remembered that this service was part of Hospice care. As the woman pulled in this huge instrument, I glanced at my mom to see her reaction, but I couldn't tell. 

           "Does your mom like any special music?" she inquired.

            "Sam Smith?"--- I said the first person who came to my mind. ---"Rod Stewart?"

            "Oh!" the harpest exclaimed. "The last time I was here I played all hymns. I wish I 

              would have known."

        Just when I started to brace myself for"How Great Thou Art" (not that there's anything wrong with that hymn), I heard the first note of a song I know my mom would appreciate.....Sam's "Stay With Me," beautifully followed by "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?"

Have I told you? Yes, at least a million times, especially that past week. My mom's final concert in that rehab room was played the day before she went to Heaven on March 23, 2018.

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How can I sum up the life of a person who has been my best friend my entire life? The person who was raised in a crowded house on Chestnut Street in Reading, a house filled with strong adult personalities, but nurtured by a grandmother's love (and Polish food). A person who married her high school sweetheart and never looked back. 

A person who raised two children, mostly by herself, when that beloved young husband passed away at the age of 35. 

Sylvia Young Kane.

I was only 10 when my dad died, but that wasn't too young to learn some life lessons very quickly.

Lesson 1. It's OK to grieve and be sad. I certainly witnessed years of this from this heart-broken woman. 

Lesson 2. When something is at odds, don't just think about how bad the situation is---do something about it! And that, she did. At age 38, my mom decided to go to college, something she always wanted to do. She drove over to what was then Alvernia College (and by the way, getting her driver's license was something else she achieved as a young widow) and investigated what she needed to do to start the 1974  Fall Semester. 

When I think about that now, I realize how terrifying that must have been---approaching a campus filled with mostly 18 year olds and sitting in a classroom taking notes, studying, and thinking about her 2 young teens at home.....but something exceptional occurred, and I know now that God's Hands must have guided a unique group of older teens (and exceptional professors and one fantastic librarian) her way. She was embraced by a group of loving human beings who welcomed and encouraged her. They stayed together for four years and beyond. Life-long friendships were formed, many of whom were with us at her funeral offering kind words and loving memories.

When my brother Chris left for college, my mom and I became a team. I often preferred Saturdays at the movies with her than with my friends. We drove all over Berks County, shopped together, and basically just enjoyed each other's company. Leaving for Ursinus College was very very difficult, so I made it through the week and came home most weekends, even up to my senior year. I was fortunate that she loved my choice as a mate in my husband Brad....and how could she not when our marriage produced the new loves of her life.....my daughter and son, Emily and Alex.

Our team expanded, making all Fridays "Doodah Days" (Doodah coming from the impossible-to-say "Sylvia" that she wanted to have as her Grandmom name.) 

I will never forget the day when, as we pulled up to my mom's house, young baby Emily looked over, realized where we were, and broke into a huge smile--she knew the love and fun that was to come.  My kids had their own private rituals with their cooler-than-most grandmom  (Oh, the day when Emily had to share...) but I'll let them tell their own stories another time.

We took the kids everywhere, and it was with the kids that another life lesson was demonstrated: get out there and MOVE!!!!

My mom and I regularly walked around our Mt. Penn neighborhood, but the kids became part of this ritual as well. We joined a "Volksmarch" club, an organized, walking 5K that monthly took us through Berks, Lebanon, and Lancaster Counties. (Actually at the time Berks County did not have a group, so we became members of the Lebanon County "BALONEY STOMPERS"--I kid you not! ) Our original treks were pre-kids, but they didn't stop us---we just added strollers or backpacks, or we slowed our pace, since little legs took longer to walk 5Ks. You wonder why I am at the gym 6 days a week? My mom walked, swam and practiced yoga well into her 70's.

There was always a stack of books in my house growing up; naturally we developed a love of reading, which was passed on to my kids. Libray visits for me, trips to Barnes&Noble for my kids---all treats. My mom was an adjunct history professor at many colleges in the area, and it was a natural development to turn to the Albright Library to supplement teaching, and then work there full -time. 

At Albright my mom became somewhat of a foster mother for the International Students. They were drawn to her kindness, not to mention her hospitality! Many Thanksgiving dinners and Christmas celebrations were filled with "new" faces. I'm sure this affected Alex. In high school he befriended many International Students (we took Ma Lou to New York City for his first visit) and it opened his friend-base to a global proportion.

My mom was always young at heart. Growing up we had pictures of Robert Redford and Paul Newman on our refrigerator. Later it was Hugh Laurie ("House" fame) and Bradley Cooper. She even named her last car her BRADLEY Mini Cooper! 

Her generous spirit and social awareness were unparralled. She was a donor to both Central Catholic and Berks Catholic, as well as Albright and Alvernia. It wasn't until after her death I discovered her donations to Amnesty International and Doctors Without Borders. She worked on The Names Project (for the AIDS Memorial Quilt), and volunteered at The Rainbow Home, a group home for AIDS patients, often taking Emily and Alex with her. 

The transition into retirement (at age 78!) was at first shaky. It's hard to lose one's sense of identity after so long. My mom was still so active; I hated to see her unsatisfied. It was them that the last 3 years of her life became a happy and self-fulfilled time. With the kind encouragement of The Berks High School Administration, my mom started to volunteer in our library. She handled each book, editing those that could stay or be donated, and was nearing the end of a task that placed all our library books into an on-line system for student borrowing.
Everyone in the building, the secretaries who greeted her each day, the staff (Kelly and Chad, thank-you :) ...my colleagues, and even some students, grew to know and love my mom. How fun it was for me to hear her inquire about my friends, or tell me the history lesson she heard Coach Keeley give that day. (She really wanted to be his guest speaker!).

I was "free" Period 3 this year, the last year my mom volunteered. It was such a comfort to see her little grey head above the bookshelves as I walked in for my visit....but she's still there...in the posters she purchased, the plant she brought in, the new books that were purchased which she shelved. 

My mom last worked in the library the week of February 19th, 2018. That was what our PTO claimed as Teacher Appreciation Week and she was included. We went down to the faculty lunch room decorated as an Italian restaurant, and she was so happy. She was eating (something that was unusual then, as her cancer, unknown to us at that time, had spread to her abdomen.) She was even doing a little dance, maybe flirting a little with a young math teacher. I'll never forget that day.

I have found the kind words of friends to be very comforting. 
One high school friend wrote, She made me feel better about myself whenever I was around her. The world is a better place because of your Mom and I am a better person because I knew her.

A colleague wrote, " The library looks beautiful....I am glad she became part of the BC Family." ...Another friend and colleague:"Sylvia was just that--beautiful! I love that I always knew of the immense love you had for your mom long before I met her."

And also, "To me she was a brilliant student, a valued colleague, and most importantly, a beloved friend."

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What can we say about cancer? It was always a foreign entity, the "thing" that everyone didn't want to think about. How could it enter our lives? No one in our family had experienced it...it happened to other people. But, it is real, and has affected many many lives. I now want to embrace each person whose families endured the pain of this disease....I'm sorry, I didn't know...

But what I do know is how my life was blessed with my mother, my companion, my mentor and friend. Today is my first Mother's Day without her on earth. My comfort comes in my faith, my belief that she is so crazy happy in Heaven (bumping elbows with Paul Newman?) and is "cheering us on"- me and Chris and Brad and Beth and Emily and Colin and Alex and Erika....and all of you who had the wonderful experience of knowing her.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom....Have I told you lately?----I love you.